


Vent Account.

by bumblegre



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Brian and Jisung are brothers, Brian has an eating disorder, Bulimia, Don't read if you're sensitive, EDNOS, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, Jae has an eating disorder, M/M, Minor Violence, Other, Self Harm, Smoking, Violence, abuse of substance, brian looks up to jae, in this fic jae has debut as a solo artist and is in the lineup for day6, jae is secretive, jisung has an eating disorder, mentions of self harm, vent - Freeform, vent fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:01:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25216672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bumblegre/pseuds/bumblegre
Summary: In which Han Brian has an eating disorder and finds out about a sub category on twitter of people who use twitter to cope- but he falls quickly into the pro side.NOTE: this fic is a vent fic.  I used to have a twitter account for my eating disorder.  I have since deleted it (it's been months, almost a year since i've even touched twitter lmao- but my ed isn't gone.  and i just needed to get it out some how.)  Don't read if you don't like meanspo, or descriptions of meanspo.
Relationships: Kang Younghyun | Young K/Park Jaehyung | Jae
Comments: 3
Kudos: 39





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: slight mention of gore twt, it's not much, it's literally just mentioned in passing, and there are some meanspo/pro comments made in the fic
> 
> the korean was google translated btw so lmao sorry if it's wrong.

No eating disorder starts out normal. Nor does it start immediately. There’s no “right way” to have one. These were all things Han Brian learned from age 16.

Obviously, like any other disorder, bits and pieces of it had been going on for much longer than that. Like the fact that his younger brother, Jisung, had been eating more than him for years now, because once when he was 11 his father pointed out he was putting on a lot more than the other, but the other at the time had been the same height. Jisung had unnaturally grown at the beginning of puberty, and then not at all in his teen years. Of course, Brian wouldn’t have known that then, and he certainly wouldn’t have known it now either.

Since he was eleven, he’s been self conscious of himself. He’s always cold, which gave him an excuse to always wear long sleeves, even during the summer. On family outings? The others could be in beach shorts and bathing suits, and Brian would be in a hoodie and jeans he purposely brought a few sizes bigger so he could feel good about using a shoelace to tie them tightly against his waist. And of course, he always looked so uncomfortable, no matter what the occasion was. Family members wanted to hug him, friends wanted to give small nudges or joking punches, and no matter what it was, Brian would flinch. In fact, the only person he let near him was Jisung, and even then it wasn’t all the time because Brian would feel like he couldn’t breath sometimes near the other.

He remembers his 14th birthday clearly. His aunts had been visiting, and they brought his cousins and uncles with, and at the time his grandma and grandpa had come to say goodbye before he and his little brother headed off to Canada.

“Smile for the picture Hyunnie!” His mom had said, shoving a small portable camera in his and Jisung’s faces. Brian opened his mouth, and turned the corners, making for an awkward grimace. His mom seemed to take it, as she snapped a photo. Jisung had been leaning against Brian’s arm for way too long now, and the younger felt way better when they could finally separate.

“Oh! Hyung, that reminds me, I got you a present. Because mom told me to but I think you’ll like it. I’m not sure.” Jisung said, reaching on the table to grab a small box wrapped in plain black paper. Brian lowered the cake onto the table and took the present with a smile. He slowly unwrapped it, a small white box in his hands. With some trouble, he managed to get the top off, to be met with a small device and a pair of earphones and a charger tucked behind it.

“Uhm...Thank you. What is it?” He asked, after staring at it for a little bit.

“An mp3 player! I know you don’t like streaming music much, so I was thinking you could put all the music you already downloaded on it, and then with stuff like my spotify account if you ever want to listen to new releases but cant get them immediately, then you can download spotify on it so you can still listen to it!! I put a lot of thought into it!” Jisung said proudly, puffing his chest. For the first time that day, Brian cracked a smile.

It only lasted for a few seconds though, before he realized everyone had a piece of his cake except him and Jisung, and when he asked for a slice his dad told him he needed to lose a little weight anyways.

When Brian was 17, years later, he realized he had become completely dependent on the small device, having logged into his reading app accounts and music accounts. He even had a few games on it. He named it Jae, after his favourite youtuber.

He had also realized, that at 17, there were a few things wrong with him.

One, he watched his weight too much for anyone his age, to the point where his friends from school joked he acted like a girl in Japan. (Brian was offended both at the comparison, and at the fact that he decided to make friends with people who stereotype students from different countries. He later realized that the second part was maybe a bit extreme, but he was still a little upset).

Two, if he thought hard and long about all the moments in his life, he could only count the ones he remembers on one hand. His childhood is a mystery to him before Jisung, and even after Jisung, he only has bits and pieces of things that happened as he grew up. His earliest memory is at 7, helping Jisung cross the street when they lived in Japan with their aunt for a while before moving again.

Three, a lot of the things he did were disordered.

Brian never ate breakfast anymore because it made him sick to eat so early in the mornings. He didn’t eat dinner if Jisung wasn’t going to be home, or if he himself was going to be out late with friends. He had a single snack at fourth period, sometimes another after school if he had club activities. He often couldn’t sleep more than a few hours every night, causing him to be in a really shitty mood when he woke up.

He got burnt out fast during exercise, but his friends told him he exercised too much.

He would stay in bed way too long on weekends, just because he couldn’t move himself. And he was tired. So fucking tired. All the time.

He didn’t realize there was anything wrong with it until one of his friends pointed it out to him one day.

“You look like you’re about to drop.” Jackson commented, patting Brian on the back sympathetically.

“Dude, he always looks like he’s about to drop. So does Peter.” Mark said, shaking his head. “You guys need to see a doctor or something, I swear. You’re both tired all the time.” He shook his head.

“Peter looks like he’s about to drop? What do you mean?” Brian asked, raising an eyebrow at the weird comments about his younger brother. Jisung never seemed like he was tired? At least not around Brian.

“Dude have you seen your brother? He’s always ready to nap with his friends when they offer it. He doesn’t even eat lunch half the time he’s so tired.” Jackson pointed out, and Brian shook his head. “We’re in clubs together and share history. And everyone in my family doesn’t eat that much. Some of us get really sick if we do.” Brian said, but Jackson and Mark looked unconvinced.

“Well, I don’t know. The kid he hangs out with all the time? Felix? He’s really worried for him.”

Brian would be lying if he said he wasn’t too.

That night, when Jisung came home from classes, Brian kept an eye on him.

“Hey. How was school?” Brian asked, immediately losing focus on the textbook in front of him but still staring at it anyways.

“Hyung we go to the same school.” Jisung said in Korean, sitting his backpack down and immediately going to the fridge. Brian watched him stare at the contents for a minute, before sighing and closing the fridge door.

“Is there nothing to eat?” Brian asked.

“I think we should get groceries soon.” Jisung responded, before grabbing the kettle and opening a cupboard. “Want tea?” He asked.

“Sure. Yeah. Thanks.” Brian smiled. Then he chewed his lip. Jisung seemed fine in the moment, but they also didn’t see each other that much. It is entirely possible Jisung just got really good at hiding the problem from Brian.

“Hey, Jisung.” He started, and Jisung set the two cups he had just grabbed on the counter, and the kettle on the stove.

“Yeah?” Jisung asked as he busied himself, washing fruit and cutting a couple of slices for him and his brother.

“There’s nothing wrong here yeah? You’re getting along with your friends and stuff? Doing good just living with me? I just figured it’s kind of upsetting to be so far from home…” Brian trailed off as he watched Jisung, who suddenly seemed super focused on cutting mango.

“Yeah. I’m good. Why do you ask? Did someone say something?” Jisung asked, and Brian chuckled. “Nah, I just got worried because you seemed more tired than usual. I don’t want you to overwork yourself.” Brian said, yawning. Jisung rolled his eyes.

“Don’t worry hyung. I’m not you.” He said, bringing the two cups over along with the plate of mango.

“Hey!” Brian looked hurt at the comment, and pouted a little.

Jisung laughed and shook his head.

“Hey- can you help me do my math homework? It doesn’t make any sense to me.”

And if a couple of days later, when they went to buy groceries they only came back with two half empty bags, Brian didn't say anything to Jisung, and the younger didn't say anything to Brian, either.

Maybe a month later, Brian found out about Twitter. Well, scratch that, he always knew about twitter and even had his own account. It was the sub-category he found out existed.

And to think, it had started with him reading about his favourite artist. Eaj was one of Brian’s favourite artists on the earth, and was one Brian could find himself quickly relating to. Now, by no means was Brian a kpop fan, but he did like artists that actively catered themselves internationally, and he did listen to a lot of groups that had a specific kind of concept he liked. Brian’s top artists though, were Eaj and DEAN, and that was an unchangeable fact. Another unchangeable fact was that if Brian had to choose between the two, he would always choose Eaj in a heartbeat.

Eaj, or, Jaehyung, as Brian learned, was a soloist under a company called JYP. Apparently, the company was a big deal in South Korea, but Brian hadn’t been to his home country long enough to know. Jaehyung was what motivated Brian to learn Guitar instead of just sticking with his wearing out bass guitar. Jaehyung had a lot of friends that were also talented on his channel, and while Brian was interested in them, he mostly focused on Jaehyung. He would watch the other’s videos every time he uploaded, and soon fell in love with the other. Okay, not in love, as far as Brian knew. He was pretty sure he wasn’t gay. Although now that he thought about it he didn’t really like girls like that either. He just didn’t think about dating anyone. Weirdly enough.

The one downside to watching most youtubers is at some point, there’s gonna be a video of them eating. And while it rarely happened with Jae, those were the ones that Brian hyperfocused on. Jae was so skinny. And some of that probably had to do with his height, but everything looked oversized on him. And good. Jae looked comfortable, and not like he was squeezing into his clothes. Although if you asked Brian’s friends, they would say he isn’t either. And Brian would say that’s a lie.

Speaking of friends, it had been a couple of days after they had visited that he found out about that sub category of twitter. He remembers all of it so clearly, like a movie he had watched a thousand times. How he had crashed and burned. 

Mark and Jackson had been staying over for the night to study for a test they had the next morning, and since they all shared their first three periods together, and Brian’s apartment was the closest to school, it seemed like an ideal situation. They came over right after school, walking back with Jisung and his friend Felix, who had tagged along because the Sophomores had their PE tests and most of their class finals lined up on the same days as the Seniors. It was basically going to be a lot of people in Brian’s apartment, probably only studying for a fraction of the time they were there for.

He was soon pleasantly surprised to find out that he assumed wrong. For three hours, the apartment was completely silent as the five sat at the dining table, the only sound being when someone asked for an exchange of notes, flash cards, or a question about the material. They took their first break at 9pm, where Brian ordered takeout and pizza for his friends. He didn’t really plan on eating much besides maybe a protein bar or some rice that night.

“Hey dude! Did you listen to that song that Jae came out with last week?” Mark asked, getting the attention of Brian, who had been scrolling through his phone. A grin immediately replaced the emotionless stare that was starting to become Brian’s signature expression. “Of course I did!” he shouted out, immediately belting out part of the lyrics at the top of his lungs. The suddenness of Brian’s excitement caused Jisung to laugh, but everyone else laughed more when Brian got tired almost immediately and leaned against the wall, looking suddenly deflated. Brian’s vision had actually spotted for a second, but he wasn’t about to share that with his friends.

“Can you actually sing the song?” Mark asked, and Brian snorted, “Of course I can. What do you take me for? A fake Eaj stan?” Brian scoffed, shaking his head.

“I’ve never actually heard you sing!” Felix said, raising his hand.

“Dude, he’s so good, I- ugh. You’re missing out on iconic quality content.” Jackson said, grabbing his chest aggressively as if that further proved his point.

“Now you gotta just so Felix can hear!” Jiusng said, excitedly pointing to his friend, who nodded to agree with the other. Well, Jisung loved hearing Brian’s voice, so it’s not like he could really argue against it anyways.

“Fine.” Brian sniffed, before giving himself a moment to think of the beat.

“You and me in the morning,

Said yesterday was boring.

When the hell’d you call me?

Must have already been sleeping.

Always the excuses...my heart in blue in bruises.

Yes he’s holding his breath, 

Hoping what he’s thinking, 

Ain’t what the truth is, no

Past 12 and you tell me you gotta go! 

Go out tomorrow morning gonna catch a seizure now

Come on tell me tell me tell me, I gotta know

Everybody and their momma knows

Don’t tell Truman,

Please just play along,

‘Cause she might go go go

If she knows, no

Don’t tell Truman,

This might be my final song,

Love might go go go

If she knows, no”

“Holy fucking shit what are you doing in Canada?” Felix asked, causing the silence to be abruptly cut through with laughter filling the air. Brian at first laughed with them, and then realized that Mark had been recording, and he stared at the camera before starting to make dumb poses to the other’s phone. “Stan Eaj and stream Truman Y’all” Brian said while still posing, causing his friends to laugh as Mark lowered the phone. “You’re an idiot.” He snorted.

“Only the best kind.” Brian responded, before the doorbell interrupted their conversation.

“Oh! That must be the food. Give me a second!” He got up, Jisung threw him his wallet, and he caught it with ease.

“I swear to god, sometimes it’s like you guys are on the same wavelength it’s so freaky.” He heard Felix say.

“Just brother tingz.” Jisung responded. “A lot of people said they’re surprised we aren’t twins. Or clones.” Jisung said.

And oh, how Brian wished the opposite was true.

That night, Brian couldn’t sleep. He and Jisung were usually in different rooms (although that gave Brian separation anxiety sometimes), but tonight, all five of the boys were in Brian’s room, crammed together. Brian had taken his bed while the others were on the ground minus Felix, who was comfortably situated on the futon. However, Brian was wide awake. It wasn’t the people, no, he could fall asleep anywhere. It was the intuition that he was about to spiral. It seemed he wasn’t the only one.

“Hyung.”

Jisung’s voice cut through the night.

A moment of silence passed over the two.

“Yeah?” Brian asked, and then he heard quiet shuffling and movement before he felt a dip in the bed.

“I can’t sleep.” Jisung whispered, getting under the blankets. Brian slid over almost immediately, being used to his brother in his bed by now. He yawned. “You gotta get sleeping pills dude. At least it’s easy here in Canada.”

Jisung chuckled, cuddling into his brother easily. “Mm...yeah, okay.” His voice came out muffled, but Brian could still hear him. “Try to sleep.” Brian whispered, holding his brother close and feeling the other wrap his body around Brian. Soon, the horrible feeling had been forgotten and Brian had fallen asleep with his brother.

The second day was the day he was motivated to look before he found out about disordered twitter. Because the second day, he found out that apparently, Mark had uploaded the video to twitter. And it had literally blown up overnight. Not only did Mark suddenly gain hundreds of followers, but people found Brian’s account on twitter along with his instagram, and that’s when he gained even more of a following, because he had posted small covers on instagram. Brian nearly had a panic attack when he was trying to scroll through his phone over breakfast, just because there were so many notifications. He had to mute the two apps before he properly checked what was happening.

And when he did, he was absolutely terrified of the power of the internet. Not only had literally thousands of people seen, but in those thousands of people somehow the solo artist Brian absolutely admired had seen.

Jae had fucking responded, and that was wild in itself to Brian.

@Jae_Day6:  
My own fans got better vocals than me is this how my career ends? Haha  
[VIDEO.MP4]

Yeah, Brian lost his shit at five in the morning.

He ended up scrolling through comments of his instagram, which was mostly just the heart eye emoji and people commenting on how good his voice was (which only boosted his ego), and he felt joy and confidence for the first time in months. It wasn’t until he got to the twitter comments that his mood dropped. They started out good, yes. A lot of them Brian even laughed at.

@jiminsthighs  
he’s ?? so good?? like wow, add him to the day6 lineup now boys I’m here for it.

@jypoppar  
talented. immaculate. iconic. spectacular.

@ipeman  
hey lmao there’s a kid that goes to my school named jisung that looks just like u bro lol

@syrupsltz  
his voice is beautiful but he’s too big lmao fat fuck

@kuttingsltz  
lmao he’s probably ***lbs and he needs to loose the *** honey  
[VIDEO.MP4]

@kokenamaya  
Tbh fuck jyp i got my new ult bias right here someone find his namee

@jiminsthighs  
@kokenamaya i did some research i found out his insta is @youngk he has a little brother too that’s @jone they’re really close

What did she mean by “loose the ***”? Brian thought about it for a moment. Did she mean the fact that he was in the hundreds? To drop his weight? He wasn’t even in the hundreds though?

It clicked for him then after he clicked on @kuttingsltz’s profile, and scrolled through.

“i don’t like fatties on my page or sensitive bitches xoxo” The bio read, and Brian raised an eyebrow. He scrolled through. A lot of it was…well, honestly worrying posts about suicide and depressive thoughts, but Brian would be lying if he said he didn’t relate to some of them.

Some of it was retweets of other profiles, and Brian turned around to make sure no one was up before switching to what he liked to call his “stalking acc” (the account he used to look stuff up without it appearing on his main), and typed in the username and followed it. He’s not sure why he did. Instinct overtook him. He looked through their timeline before he stumbled upon a retweeted post:

@aejcutz  
tbh i fuckin hate being tall just let me be skinny already no one wants to be friends with fatty giants

He ended up following accounts that had been retweeted on this person’s page, but with that, he also stumbled upon what some of the accounts were calling “hard ed twt” not that Brian really knew what any of those words meant in context.

(He later found out that ed was short for Eating Disorder, and ‘hard ed twt’ was in reference to a sub category of twitter users with eating disorders but that were actively looking to get thin and push themselves to the limit).

He managed to stumble back onto @aejcutz’s profile again, and decided to scroll through it. Whoever it was seemed to have a lot of followers. The bio was much different than last time:

“he/him | don’t block just report | 182cm, way too heavy | ed tw vent tw”

Brian had yet to see a male on this side of twitter, and was kind of curious about it. Looking into it more, though, he realized that the only thing that changed was that there were a lot more people asking aej for meanspo and leaving slightly concerning, yet simultaneously flirty remarks on his page (which was weird, because so many of these accounts claimed to be women who liked women, but maybe some of the people behind the screen were bi, or pan??). Brian continued to scroll through his account and realized he had been liking most of the meanspo and sweetsop posts. Brian felt guilty and checked the time. It was only 5:20, and no one would wake up until 5:50 because they didn’t have school until 7, and everyone except for Jisung and sometimes Mark when in the mood liked to cut it close.

Brian continued to look through the account, continuing to like the posts as they came up on his feed.

Then there was a picture. The head and hair had been blocked out with an emoji, as well as most of the background, but his body wasn't. It was a mirror picture, black boxers showing over plain grey sweatpants, and a red sweater lifted up. The only caption was:

@aejcutz  
"lol I rlly thought I was loosing weight I'm so fucking fat it hurts wtf"

Brian looked at his body check again in disbelief. What? No no, Brian was fat. Brian was definitely fat. This man's hip bones were the only thing keeping his sweatpants up. There was a literal gap where his sweatpants and boxers should've met his stomach. He was laying against a bed with plain white sheets, and Brian stared at the background for a moment. Where had he seen that before? Hm. He turned back to the body checks and felt a surge of jealousy. Maybe even... competitiveness? Brian wanted to get that skinny.

Maybe even more so.

Brian threw his bowl into the sink before creeping to the bathroom, raising his own sweater as he looked in the mirror. Why did his proportions not look right? His entire body didn't look right and it looked fucking weird. It was one of the reasons he avoided looking in the mirror at all cost. And yet, here he is, comparing. Getting competitive.

Brian compared himself to the picture and felt sick. If that man was considered fat then Brian was colossal. And that wasn't a good thing in any sense of the word.

And here is where his disordered habits and thoughts started to get worse.

"Brian?" 

Brian cursed and nearly dropped his phone, catching it in midair as the bathroom door opened. It was Jisung.

"What are you doing? You're so fucking loud dude." He murmured, sighing. Brian yawned. "I was about to shower. Sorry. Is anyone else awake yet? I wanted to get there early for the before class study session." Brian said, glancing at the clock. It was 5:30. If they were all fast enough they could be out the door by 5:50, maybe 6:00.

"Uh I don't know, Felix might be because this body's internal alarm clock is fucking wack, but Jackson sleeps like a log." Jisung said, and Brian nodded, turning on the shower and starting to get ready for the day.

He thought back to the accounts and the pictures. Eating disorder twitter...he shouldn’t be on it. He doesn’t have an eating disorder.

Right?

It was lunch when the whole ordeal was brought up again. Brian hadn't even touched his food as he poured over his English textbook, leg bouncing anxiously.

"Dude!" Mark seemed excited. "Have you seen Twitter? No one really watches my videos but like!! Holy shit my guy you got a lot of retweets really fast.". He said, nudging Brian. Brian scoffed a little. "I know, I turned off my phone, the notifications were giving me a headache." He said, shaking his head.

"Ah...yeah. sorry about that." Mark said, chuckling. It's not like either of them knew that it would blow up. They really didn't.

"I should be the one you're apologizing to! People found my Instagram!" Jisung said with a huff as he sat down with Felix next to him.

"Oh noooo...its not like you're literally the most aesthetic person online I've ever fucking met." Mark said, rolling his eyes. Jisung simply sighed. "It's not a point of aesthetics, do you know how weird it was to wake up to so many notifications that Instagram wouldn't even load them all?"

Brian's phone buzzed but he paid no mind to it until Jisung had looked over his shoulder.

"Hyung who's A...Aej….aejcutz?" He tried to sound it out before raising an eyebrow. "Oh wait. It says the display name is Jay.". He said, going to reach for Brian's phone. Brian wordlessly snatched it up and unlocked the phone, quickly clicking out of the Twitter app so no one could've seen what he was looking at this morning. He tapped and held the icon before deleting it. 

"What? Why would you do that?" Mark asked, looking to Brian like he was crazy. "I really need to focus on this. English is one of my worst subjects. And Twitter is distracting." He lied, before turning back down to his textbook. "Especially now. Sorry." He murmured, sighing. 

"It's okay hyung! You're gonna make mom proud and stuff. I don't get how your worst grade can be an A?" Jisung went from starting out bright to grumbling, and Brian couldn't help but chuckle. "Maybe if you studied more you'd have your lowest be an A too." He said, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, I guess …" Jisung would grumble, laying his head on his arms on the table. Felix snorted and poked his friend's head lovingly.

Because they had one more day until finals ended, Brian allowed himself to have a small break from cramming and probably overworking himself and checked his phone when he got home. He remembered he uninstalled the twitter app earlier that day, and hesitated. Twitter didn’t really affect him. He didn’t need the app, he wasn’t even active on the sight…

…and yet…

…he found himself downloading the app again and logging into both accounts.

He quickly looked to make sure his door was closed and that Jisung wasn’t in the room. Then he turned off notifications from the app before opening it again, and going onto his second account. There had been new tweets from the account. @aejcutz. Brian read through them and only found himself relating to some of the posts.

‘You ever just...like, not eat and then get proud of yourself because you’re not eating and it wasn’t even one of the days you were supposed to fast? It’s just like, motivating you to keep not eating? Lmao.’

Brian was...actually surprised that he could relate to that. Not that he planned fasts or anything, but he definitely had days where he wouldn’t eat because he was stressed- or simply not motivated, and when his stomach growled it gave him a new sense of motivation to keep going.

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair as he kept scrolling.

@aejcutz:  
I interacted with someone who did a remake of my work and like,,, fuck hes so pretty. I wish I looked like that. I’m not gonna say more bc yall would know immediately who i’m talking abt and then who I am irl,,, but like...lmao damn im gay huh?

Brian wondered briefly who that was about, but didn’t pay it any mind as he kept scrolling, before seeing that the other had retweeted a post for a group chat. He looked at the post and realized it was from the person who commented on his post earlier.

@syrupsltz:  
Making a pro gc!! Rules below:  
15+ pls i cant fathom the fact that 13 y/os r on this site  
Must be able to handle meanspo (no sensitive bitches!)  
Preferably bae/hard edtwt im not picky  
Don’t die bae  
males of ed twt!!

Brian’s not sure why he retweeted it. He had no reason to. His account wasn’t even fully edited, and yet here he was. As soon as he retweeted it he realized he would have to edit his account. His brain totally skipped over the fact that he was 90% sure he wasn’t disordered (even if his actions and thoughts constantly proved him otherwise). He would need an icon. A background. A bio. Fuck fuck fuck why did he rt it?

It didn’t even occur to him that he could undo the retweet until he had already finished putting together his second account's profile. For a profile photo, he just settled for an icon of Eaj, the man sitting back in an armchair and looking amused and tired. It was when he had black hair (one of his best eras if you ask Brian). A lot of these people seemed to have kpop profiles which didn't really surprise Brian because of the diet culture surrounding kpop was extreme. He should know, his happiest time was when he tried the somi diet for a week and a half and had lost so much weight people could see a difference.

Oh.

Well he's not disordered or anything, a lot of guys and girls have lost weight and been happy when people saw results.

He was torn out of his thoughts when he saw he had a notification in his messages. He clicked it and waited for it to load, eyes immediately drawn to the 'proana babes' title of the group chat. He clicked it hesitantly, seeing that other people were currently active on it.

@syrupsltz  
im just saying idk why ppl follow me n then get mad when i post sh or meanspo like,, bitch why r u on my page?

@aejcutz  
and thats on having a gore AND ed acc 🤩🤩🤩

@49kgs  
lmaooo i don't have gore but yeah the meanspo shit does get annoying like,,, look away if u dont wanna see it🤩🤩🤩 it's not that hard🤩🤩🤩

@hyunk  
lmao you guys use 🤩🤩🤩 a lot lmao

@aejcutz  
welcome 🤩 to 🤩 ed 🤩 twt 🤩

@aejcutz  
also hi lmao

@hyunk  
hi lol  
sorry if replies are slow i'm horrible at typing in english

@aejcutz  
oh what a mood

@49kgs  
same lmao

@syrupsltz  
whats your native language if you don't mind me asking?

@hyunk  
korean. lol

@aejcutz  
!!dude thats wahack i speak korean too  
i am korean but it's not my native language lmao

@syrupsltz  
wahack

@49kgs  
wahack

@aejcutz  
lmao stfu

@hyunk  
that's really cool!  
hold on brb

Brian stared at his username. He knew rationally no one could find him with his display name being just the second half of his first name, but he still couldn't risk it. He thought for a moment before he typed in a new username in his twitter settings.

Display name: Hyun  
User name: @youngkgs

Perfect. And...no one would get the joke except him.

He clicked on the groupchat again, scrolling through the missed messages.

@syrupsltz  
@youngkgs whats your ugw?

@aejcutz  
lmao could you not have been more direct

@49kgs  
im lowering mine again

Brian stared at the message in confusion before typing slowly.

@youngkgs  
my english is worse than I thought lmao what

He hoped he could pass it off as just not knowing english well enough, and it seemed to work well enough.

@syrupsltz  
lmao poor mans how did you even end up on this side of ed twt?

@aejcutz  
당신은 얼마나 많은 무게를 원하십니까?

Brian stared at the question and sighed. How much weight did he want to lose? What does he want his weight to be? He quickly opened google on an incognito tab. 

"What...does...someone...who...is..180.2cm...look like...at…" he paused for a moment. How much weight would he need to lose for him to look good tall? He's 68kg now, so maybe he should take off 10...see where that gets him.

@youngkgs  
53 키로그램.

Okay, fuck, or he could just spell 58kgs wrong and write 53 instead. it's only an 5kg difference. It's probably better for him this way anyways.

@aejcutz  
how tall are you?

@youngkgs  
uhhh  
180.2  
why?

@aejcutz  
ooooh makes sense makes sense

@syrupsltz  
lmaooo i was abt to say if you're 5'5 or under and thats ur gw,,,  
never met a small bitch that had their goal weight over 49kgs 

@youngkgs  
djfkds no im in the healthy weight range  
on the lower side of it but yeah 

@49kgs  
lol we have two tall bitches in the chat now

@aejcutz  
stfu bitch u know im sensitive abt my height

@youngkgs  
how could u im sensitive :(((

@syrupsltz  
LMAO yall rlly said tall bitches same braincell huh

Brian couldn't help but laugh a little at the other's comment. He typed something in response before he heard a knock at his door.

"Yeah?" He called out, quickly pressing the home button as Jisung walked into his room.

"It's...midnight. Can I sleep with you?" Jisung asked, and Brian looked at the time. It was indeed midnight.

"Yeah of course. Let me just finish this real quick and then I'll play your playlist okay? And change." He said smiling, and Jisung nodded to the other, smiling as well, before dragging himself to Brian's bed and getting under the covers. Brian himself moved to the bathroom and checked the chat again.

@aejcutz  
I'm restricting starting tomorrow because i've been way too lax and i think my friends are noticing. i feel like shit all the time because of how much my stomach bloats now ugh

@49kgs  
yeah i dont have any obligations for the next two weeks so i'm gonna try 200cal and try to maintain

@youngkgs  
i gotta go for the night i'll respond in the morning if i remember to lmao

@syrupsltz  
gn bae...say it back or ull gain 10kgs overnight

@youngkgs  
gn

@aejcutz  
lmao that was cruel. gn hyun.

@49kgs  
lol gnnn

@youngkgs  
not willing to risk it lmao. gnn jay, B

Brian ignored the odd feeling that picked up in his chest when he first read Chris's (his display name was Chris) message, staring at it as he brushed his teeth. He wouldn't actually gain that much in one night...no way. He's still not gonna risk it though.

After he brushed his teeth and changed into a t-shirt and sweatpants, he crawled over Jisung in what could only be described as the exact opposite of grace, and plugged his phone into the wall, turning it on sleep mode before sliding it under his pillow and turning towards his younger brother, koala hugging Jisung.

Jisung fell asleep quickly, whereas it took Brian a full hour to even get tired. Even then, he couldn't get tired. He ended up slowly peeling himself from the other, and sitting up, leaning against the wall. He sighed as he opened his phone, and moved to the twitter app, checking for notifications. He had a few new ones. Some even from the group chat.

That night, Brian sat leaned against the wall, one arm crossed over his chest as the other held his phone, screen illuminating his figure in the dark room. He was chewing his lip nervously, but not because of the chat messages he was now receiving, but because of the possibility that he might be caught.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Proana babes
> 
> @youngkgs  
> guys you’ll never fucking believe the email i got
> 
> or
> 
> Brian passes out while skating with friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updates probably need to be more frequent lmao  
> i came back to edtwt yall fucking wildin?? r u guys ok?

The most annoying thing, as it turned out, was that Brian started to hyperfocus on his habits around food. He would fast for a few days, or just eat really lightly, and as soon as he saw progress he would allow himself to eat a little more, which would just put him right back where he started. Because once he ate a little more, he would keep eating a little more than he was before, and his body clung to it like life support, making him enter this endless cycle of gaining and losing the same 7 pounds over the course of a month.

Over that month, his friends had tried to piggyback off of his temporary fame and posted tik toks, videos, literally everything with him (including a video of him and his brother skating over a lofi track which was so horribly embarrassing because it's fine until the very end where mark edited him falling on his butt in broad daylight). He really hated it kind of. The notifications were so overwhelming, he hadn't figured how to turn them off (and refused to ask a friend because he's stubborn), and most of the comments weren't positive ones.

Sure, ones about his looks and appearance he could ignore easily (have you seen his brother?? So many say they look alike and if he's even a little bit of the same attractive as his brother he'll take it). He could even ignore ones that commented on his voice or annoying smile. His mom told him his smile was shit before, and he knew his voice was good, so to him, those had either been debunked, or already handled by an 11 year old him crying in his family home bathroom, but we don't talk about that.

No, it was the ones that compared him.

Brian Han is by no means a competitive person.

He didn't consider himself one. Not even with any of his hobbies had he become one. Jisung was more competitive than him, and Jisung once purposely lost a game of soccer immediately so that he could spend the rest of the match on the bench when he was 9. Competition was one of the last things he enjoyed or was motivated by.

So, explain this.

The least competitive person on earth, smoking a cigarette in his school bathroom's stall, scrolling through his personal photo collection of skinny men? Ironically enough, he didn't believe in vaping, and two years ago overheard some girls talking about how cigarettes curb appetite. After he double checked online to see if it was real, he then got his friend's brother to buy him cigarettes, and now the man gave them free, no questions asked (he was an angel in Brian's eyes).

@aejcutz  
Lmao why r u the only one on sometimes??

@youngkgs  
I'm on at rlly weird times because I'm studying all the time now 😔👊✊

@aejcutz  
Lmao is it like the middle of the night for u or smth?? Bc then we would be in similar timezones

@youngkgs  
Noooooo no no, it's my lunch hour, but I usually just take a nap lmao. I'm just on today because after finals week I might be on more depending on how stuff goes lmao

@aejcutz  
Lol yeah I remember u mentioned ur only losing and gaining the same weight rip

@youngkgs  
Yeah I'm starting to get very frustrated,, will just,,, fucking English not gonna eat a lot but moreso than usual

@aejcutz  
Low restrict?

@youngkgs  
Yes! That lmao

@aejcutz  
Lmao watching u struggle with English is both adorable and also relatable

@youngkgs  
Lol

Brian couldn't help but let out a small laugh. Since joining Twitter on his second account, Jay seemed to be the nicest to him, them bonding over their experience in North America, and in travelling in general. As Brian took a drag from his cigarette he wondered what Jay was doing right now?? It must've been late for him. Brian crossed his legs as he adjusted his seated position on the toilet lid, sighing.

@youngkgs  
I give up with English all I know how to do fluently is ask for cigarettes and cry 💔💔😎✌️

@aejcutz  
LMAOO what a mood   
Wait aren't u 17?? We're almost the same age, what are you doing smoking? Wouldn't ur parents smell that shit?

@youngkgs  
Lol no I'm uh,,, emancipation (?)  
I live with my brother and have a friend to get them for me.  
2 yrs I heard they curb appetite lmao

@aejcutz  
💔💔 Make sense makes sense  
Will u be my aesthetic grunge mental breakdown Boyf

@youngkgs  
Lmao sure why not  
Brb- let me get the doc martens

@aejcutz  
Don't forget the fishnets bb

@youngkgs  
Lmao do u want me to be ur grunge Boyf or ur eboy Boyf??

@aejcutz  
Idk throw in a crop top while ur at it

@youngkgs  
,,,  
Early 2000s teen here I come 💔💔💔

@aejcutz   
LMAO YESSS  
Let's get matching flip phone charms bb 😩😩😩💕💕💕

@youngkgs  
We would need matching flip phones lmao

@aejctuz  
I'm down if u r bae

@youngkgs  
,,,Send the link bb

The school bell abruptly pulled Brian out of the nice floaty feeling he had been feeling mere moments before. He cursed, quickly stubbing out his cigarette in the bathroom stall wall before grabbing his bag he had discarded on the floor and heading into the swarm of students. He briefly wondered if Jay was serious- probably not. Brian should let the thought float before he thinks about it any further.

That day, after school, he sighed as he stepped onto the scale. 68kg. Technically he was on the lower side of the healthy weight range for his age and height. That didn’t make him feel any better about it though. 

His first, much smaller goal, was 62kg. That should be easy enough, right? If he can do that, then he sure as hell can go all the way down to 53kg. Baby steps. Baby steps. Okay. He should drink an extra bottle of water a day, just to be sure- and cut down on ‘study time snacks’- he doubted his brain needed that much constant refueling anyways. He would run in the mornings down the street before he had to shower for the day, and he could get slimmer much faster this way. He wasn’t really a huge fan of working out- but hey, if it helps him lose weight, he’ll do it.

Except it was hell. A week and a half later he saw no changes and it was eating him alive.

Brian had been in similar situations before, he just hadn’t known what to label it. Now he knew it was ‘low restriction’, as opposed to ‘dad keeps making comments about my weight even though i’m half the size of the cousin that comes to tutor Jisung but i’m not gonna risk it’. His dad was good...meanspo. Yes, that was one word for it. His dad was really *really* good meanspo.

Brian remembered all the off-handed comments from his father over the years, chewing his lips as he starred in the mirror. How does he just manage to get bigger?? The scale must’ve been lying to him because his stomach has never looked that big before.

“Younghyun-hyung! Stop hogging the fucking bathroom!” Jisung’s voice yelled from the other side, and Brian quickly stepped off of the scale, like he had been caught red handed, not dare moving until the scale was unlit and there was no trace he had ever been on it in the first place.

“Sorry! I zoned out!” He called, unlocking the door and letting the other kick him out and slam the bathroom door behind himself.

"I almost pissed my pants!" Jisung exaggerated, Brian hearing the pleasant sigh coming from the other's mouth through the door. Brian groaned. "You're disgusting- I'll tell mom to send teenage sized diapers." He said rolling his eyes.

"Hey! No, the dick stays free."

"I hate men." Brian murmured under his breath.

“You are a man.” Jisung said, rolling his eyes.

“Okay and?” Brian looked to Jisung unimpressed, and Jisung paused. “Wait- okay nevermind men suck. Seriously I have to piss though.”

Today, instead of running, he planned on calling his dad. He was always awake at the oddest hours, so it would be the perfect time to call him. Brain called his parents often anyways, even if they weren’t the best at responding to him (he tried to not get offended when he would hear Jisung excitedly telling them about the things he had been doing a room away). Luckily for him, his dad answered. He started packing his bag of his school materials for the day, looking for one of his workbooks when his dad picked up. He had a study group scheduled in an hour.

“Hey!” He started, unsure of how to then continue.

“Brian?” His dad’s voice was gruff and wavered slightly. He might’ve just woken up.

Brian backtracked. Why did he call his dad? So that the man could give him shitty comments about him losing weight and he would feel like shit for the rest of the day? No, he could motivate himself enough.

“Hey dad. I just wanted to check in and see how you were because I didn’t get a chance to last week.” Brian said, and he heard the old man chuckle slightly. “I haven’t been up to much. Just trying to convince your mother to fix the stairs for your grandmother. She still refuses and keeps saying we’re going to move soon but we all know better. At this rate I might just put your grandmother down on the first floor. She nags her daughter all day about it.” He gruffed, shifting heard on his end of the phone. Brian couldn’t help but laugh.

“Really? We’ve been hearing about the stairs since before we left- i’m sure something would’ve been done by now.” Brian said.

“You would think so.” His father said, before talking to someone else. Brian waited patiently before speaking, about to say something before his dad cut him off.

“Hey, Younghyun, I have to go- your mom is fussing about an appointment she has to go to, so I’ll call you back okay?” His dad said, and Brian isn’t sure why, but his mood deflated.

“Oh!” He faked a smile anyways, despite the fact that his dad could not see it. “Of course! Tell mom I said hi!” He said, his dad hanging up. Not even a proper bye. Well then-

His phone buzzed and he checked it. A message from his Kakaotalk. He opened it. Great.

The study group had just been cancelled.

Brian often caught himself going into the kitchen when he was bored and there was nothing to do. It was the third time he had done it today, and he was starting to get pissed. 

“Why do you keep pacing around?” Jisung asked, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

“No reason, I’m just thinking.”

“About what?”

“I don’t know Jisung, just fucking thinking.” He was stressed. He couldn’t not be in the kitchen.

“Well, we have a free day today and tomorrow, and Felix wanted to go skating tonight. And Mark is coming along because he’s helping Felix with a project and apparently they’re close now- and Jackson is coming because he’s Mark’s boyfriend, and so we just thought-”

“Yeah, I’ll go.”

A silence.

“Okay, cool, I’ll let Felix know.” Jisung siad, nodding and yawning.

After another silence, he spoke. “Hey, hyung, are you okay?” He asked.

“Yeah, I just have a migraine. It’s making me hungry but i’m not.” He lied, and Jisung nodded sympathetically.

“You should go to the doctor if they get worse. Remember how mom used to get those bad headaches?” Jisung said, and Brian scoffed. “I don’t have the money right now. I’m sure it’s fine.” He said, before heading to his room and closing the door behind him.

“That’s what mom said before the er trip!” Jisung reminded Brian, yelling through the door.

“I’m fine Jisung! Go away!” He yelled back, scoffing as he sat back in bed.

Now, here he was. A week and a half into eating around 450 cals a day, running in the mornings he wasn’t dizzy, cutting out snacks, and he saw no difference. It was like he had been driving on the road of weight loss and his car suddenly stopped working for no reason.

It was annoying as fuck.

He logged into his account, deciding to vent about it, but instead of writing his original thoughts he wrote his reaction to those thoughts:

@youngkgs  
Lmao imagine only changing your diet for less than two weeks and expecting to see results even though you know your body takes forever to adjust to anything

@youngks [responding to @youngkgs]  
fr tho my body? Says no thank u to change and its annoying as fuck

@aejcutz [responding to @youngkgs]  
pls why the hell is this me? My body does not adjust as fast as i want it to

@youngkgs [responding to @aejcutz]  
body go brr brr no adjustment for you

@aejcuz [responding to @youngkgs]  
KDLFJG LMAO 

Skating with the boys was about as eventful as that one 1950s American film Brian had to watch in his international studies class. But maybe that had to do with the fact that the entire time he was tired. Like he couldn’t stop yawning despite having taken a nap beforehand, he was wearing a turtleneck under his shirt in the middle of spring because of how cold he was, and his body generally felt...heavy? But he felt light headed, and it was a combination Brian did not particularly enjoy.

“You good? You seem like you’re spacing.” Jisung asked on the ride there, Jackson having picked them up.

“Yeah, I just wish my nap ended up being a little bit longer.” Brian said, chuckling. Jisung nodded, and smiled. “What a mood.” He murmured, before looking out the window, and Brian chuckled.

“That won’t be a problem- you sleep everywhere.” Jackson scoffed, and Brian only looked offended for about three seconds before nodding in agreement. “Yeah, I can.” He said, sighing.

Arriving at the rink, they all paid their fee for entrance and skates, and Brian sat on the bench provided at the front of the building, putting his skates on while Jisung still got his size.

“Hey- what size did they give you?” Jisung asked, and Brian wordlessly lifted up the skate that wasn’t on his foot yet. Jisung took it and looked at it before sitting down next to Brian and setting the skate next to him.

“They’re giving the skates to people a size up because you can tie the laces tighter.” Jisung explained, before putting on his own skates. “That...makes sense I guess. So it’s a size up from your regular shoe?” He asked, and Jisung nodded. “I guess. Have you seen Felix or Mark? Jackson ditched immediately for the rink.” Jisung asked, and Brian poked his head up to look as he tied the laces to his second skate.

“There.” He pointed to one of the tables in the food area and Jisung looked up. Felix was laughing while picking apart a pretzel while Mark told him something, apparently laughing with him.

“Ah...we should go say hi first before we hit the rink and get food and stuff.” Jisung said, and Brian nodded. “No arcade games today?” He asked, and Jisung scoffed. “You act like you want us to be broke for the rest of the week.” He said, and Brian grinned back. “Broke with a top score in the terminator machine, maybe.”

“If I can convince Jackson to let us go near the arcade, you’re so on.” Jisung said, the two exchanging a quick handshake before skating slowly to Felix and Mark. Brian wobbled slightly, but he blamed it on his lack of strength when trying to combat the carpeted floor. It would be much easier in the rink.

“Hey guys!” Felix’s accented English could be heard easily. They were two tables away anyways, he didn’t really need to call their attention.

“Hey Felix!” Jisung leaned in for a hug and handshake, and Brian simply sat down next to Mark.

“*Jackson in the rink still?*” Brian asked in Korean, and Mark nodded.

“*He’s on the edge, look.*” Mark pointed to the muscular highschooler, and Brian squinted. Jackson was skating with someone Brian recognized from school. He didn’t know their name but they shared a class together.

“Skating first, food later?” Felix asked, finishing his pretzel. Brian raised his eyebrows and laughed. “Food later, he says.” He said, and Felix laughed. Brian rose from the seat, Mark following suit. Felix got up as well, and the four headed to the rink.

Brian felt like he was floating as he slowly skated through the ring, at first barely moving because he had zoned out. Once he had picked up the pace he was still a little off, much more prone to accidents in the rink, and almost completely out of it. At first, it was a nice feeling. He felt a lot of comfort in not really being connected to reality. It was a little odd, how some things felt against his skin, but overall, it was a nice, half awake dissociation, and the fact that he wasn’t grounded in reality was the only thing keeping him connected to reality at all.

Then, the crash and burn started slowly. First with a group of kids crashing into him and giving him a small adrenaline rush. They were all tiny, so he didn’t fall over, but there had been so many hands on his legs, even if for a few seconds as they tried to steady themselves. Then it seemed like the crowd got suddenly bigger as he was skating. Were this many people even allowed on the rink?

The music playing through the speakers were too loud, and Brian was aware of the pounding in his head and the burn in his chest all too acutely as he tried to focus on something else. Anything else. God he was so cold but his skin felt like it was on fire. He was breathing too heavily for his liking, and so, shielding himself, tried to move off the ring as much as possible. He practically ran to the bathroom, or, as well as he could in skates. He was immediately relieved by the music being muted by the swinging door as he shakily went to a stall. His head was spinning. He didn’t have his vape or cigarettes, or even his gum. His head was pounding, and he had no pain killers. His chest burned and he was caught in public without an ice pack.

He took a few deep breaths and forced himself to calm down. He’s fine. He’s doing fine. He’s doing amazing.

Oh he’s shaking. That’s wild.

He managed to make it out of the bathroom with mostly ease. The carpet in the rest of the building was proving to be a difficult task for him, as his legs wobbled when he tried to steady himself. He made his way back towards the table, finding no one there yet. Hesitantly, he sat down, pulling his phone out of the jacket he had discarded there earlier and scrolling through his notifications.

Nothing really important or that caught his eyes, so he turned to his messages and smiled as he saw the chat was active.

proana babes

@syrupsltz  
and thats why i dont trust bitches with girl crush layouts on ed twt

@49kgs  
that makes logical sense, yeah

@youngkgs  
sup fuckers?

@syrupsltz  
lmao u just missed great drama

@youngkgs  
yeah ?

@syrupsltz  
yeah there was a whole ass bitch tryna start shit it was so funny

@49kgs  
saw someone dicking down a hooters femboy on the tl as a direct effect from it i will never recover 💔💔💔

@youngkgs  
DKJRGHFKJSDFH LMAO WHAT

@syrupsltz  
we don’t talk about it 💔

@youngkgs  
wheres jay?

@syrupsltz  
jesus christ r yall married fuckers or some shit  
i don’t know he’s probably sleeping? although knowing him, probably not 💔

@youngkgs  
sobs he’s just my goth grunge boyf why you gotta make it gay? 💔

@syrupsltz  
...no words

@49kgs  
speaking of boyf  
i don’t have one but there’s this one boy in this one nondescript group im in right and he’s so fucking annoyingly cute i want to fucking beat him up or maybe get beat up by him but kiss him

@syrupsltz  
lmao B just say ur h word and go

@49kgs   
no 💔

@youngkgs  
lmaoo   
I have not stopped shaking i hate going out

@syrupsltz  
u r out rn?

@youngkgs  
yeah 💔 im out with my brother and some friends but the entire time i’ve been feeling super...dizzy?  
like tired. And generally just like.. light headed.  
my chest kind of burned so i just decided to sit at the table and wait for them to finish skating

@syrupsltz  
jesus next ur gonna tell me ur hair is falling out or smth

@youngkgs  
not yet 💔 will keep an eye out

@49kgs   
dksljfklsjd lmaoo   
be careful being dizzy in skates isnt a good combo

@youngkgs  
m actually gonna log off the screen is starting to hurt my eyes lol sorry

“Brian!” Brian looked up as he locked out of his phone only to be met with Jackson grinning.

“How does a cheese pizza with breadsticks and sprite sound?” He called, slowing down as he got to the table, searching for his wallet.

Like hell.

“Perfect. Don’t come near me though, you’re all sweaty.” Brian said, scrunching up his nose and using it as a cover in case Jackson came and tried to hug him. Thankfully the other didn’t, and when he went to the food counter to order, Brian slumped in his seat Fuck. Fuck. Okay. This is fine.

Felix, Mark and Jisung all joined at the table.

“Jackson is getting food.” Brain said, and Felix nodded while Mark pulled out his phone.

“Did anyone important text me?” He asked, and Brian shook his head.

“You’re right.” Mark responded somberly. Brain couldn’t help but laugh.

“What do you mean by anyone important?” Jisung asked, and Mark snorted. “This friend group and my family. Or that one guy that I’m tutoring but I ignore his texts anyways so does he really count?” He asked, and Jisung laughed.

“Hey Brian you good?” It was Felix who asked, watching the elder male who had his head pressed against the barrier wall that separated the rink from the food court.

“I’m fine. Just tired still. Skating made it worse.” He excused, totally ignoring the black dots that were coming and going in his vision.

“You sure? You haven’t opened your eyes while talking to us.”

It was a struggle, but Brian managed to fully open his eyes, sighing.

“Dude, I’m just tired.”

“You’re always tired around finals and midterms. Remember last year when you passed out-”

“Oh god that was awful-”

“Brian passed out? When??”

“Please don’t remind me-”

“Pizza!”

Jackson, our lord and savior.

Or maybe not because he was carrying what Brian would consider one of his worst fear foods but there was an attempt and it was appreciated.

Jackson set the pizza down on the table along with the soda, pouring cups for everyone. But Younghyun was too distracted. The smell of the pizza was absolutely delicious. He hated looking at it but it was very delicious. It smelt amazing. Maybe he could just smell the cheese?

Jackson put a slice on everyone’s plate, sliding them in front of them. Brain’s eyes widened. Fuck, he got one of the bigger slices. He looked to Jisung, who seemed to be acting oddly. The younger was practically downing his sprite but didn’t come anywhere near his pizza.

Brian hesitantly lifted it to his mouth. He took one bite. Then two. Then three. Then another bite, and another, and suddenly he was on his second slice. He felt sluggish as he ate, blinking rapidly every time his vision spotted. He also was fully by the end of his second piece, but because Jackson had ordered himself a smaller pizza just for him, there were two slices left. Brain couldn’t stop himself reaching for a third.

“We should’ve gotten a seperate pizza for Brian I forgot how much he eats.” Felix said, fake sobbing as he had just barely finished his first slice.

Brian froze slightly, but then continued, despite being full.

“Yeah you could probably feed him a horse and he would ask for seconds and desert after.” Mark snorted and Brian sipped his sprite to hide his frown. He laughed with them, but didn’t really find it funny. 

“I need to go to the bathroom.” He said, getting up. It was too quickly, and the black spots entirely took over his vision, causing him to fall clumsily onto his seat.

“Are...are you okay?” Felix asked, and Brian nodded.

“I just got up too quickly.” He said, getting up again, and nearly falling on Jackson trying to get out of the table.

“Brian, maybe you should-”

"N-No...I'm fine." He was not.

"Are you sure?”

Brian's vision was spotting as he leaned against the table for support. His head felt light and his body felt lighter, but he felt like he couldn't hold it up.

"I am. I'm just tired- I'm okay." He said, trying to reassure, mostly, his brother, who looked concerned sitting across from him. Mark stood up, quickly moving to kind of hover around the other, arms out in case he fell.

"Mark, seriously. Quit. I'm fine."

"I think you should sit down-"

"Seriously, I'm fine-"

"Sit down." Mark left no room for argument, and Brian looked at him before sighing, letting the other push him back onto the bench. Mark handed him his soda, and obediently, he sipped. "Seriously, this is dumb." He tried to say, but Mark shushed him. "You passed out last time we had finals coming up remember? I know you. You’re tired." He said, and Brian sighed. "Okay. Fine." He just thanked god Mark didn’t actually know the reason behind his behavior.

Brian sat like that for a few minutes in silence, Mark and his brother keeping an eye on him, Felix having taken everyone’s skates back to the check in.

"Hey I need to piss."

"Do you feel like you're going to pass out?"

"I never felt like that-"

"Just answer the question."

There was a pause, a moment of silence.

"No. I don't."

"Cool, then...go piss I guess."

Brian really did feel fine. He felt great actually. So why is it that as soon as he got up it all came rushing back? He couldn’t do anything as his eyes rolled back and Jisung yelled out, Mark starting towards him. He could very vaguely register his body crumpling as he blacked out.

@youngkgs:  
Lmao passed tf out like an hour or two ago

@youngkgs [responding to @youngkgs]  
Like actually passed out. Not just fell asleep I fainted lmao  
My head really hurts

Proana babes

@aejcutz  
@youngkgs hyun u ok??

@syrupsltz  
Lmao why u only ask hyun what abt me

@aejcutz  
Bitch u pass out at least once a week and wanna slit to the beans stfu

@49kgs  
Lmaoooo 

@49kgs  
I am kind of worried for hyun too tho he hasnt been on like he usually is 

@syrupsltz  
??? Even tho he's had his acc forever he's barely active on it lmao. There's not even posts from before a month ago

@49kgs  
yeah but he interacts w us a lot? He probably just didn’t use this acc before but he constantly likes posts and responds and stuff but the past few days have been silent lol  
but he was online like 30 min before he passed out so...lol

@youngkgs  
jesus christ yall are fast typers

@syrupsltz  
See!! He lives!!

@aejcutz  
lmao stfu chris

@49kgs  
Imagine being a man 💔

@syruptsltz  
Yes, I'm a man 💔  
Yes, I hate men 💔  
We exist 💔💔💔

@youngkgs  
lmao what a mood  
curse me for not being het men suck  
n e ways  
yeah I'm fine my friend just made sure I ate and slept after n now I feel kind of bloated and like shit lol  
had to eat a pizza right before i passed out rip

@aejcutz  
It's ok ur my grunge goth bf remember u can sit in my lap while u get better from blacking out

@youngkgs  
Oh ye we still need to get matching flip phones 💔💔

@aejcutz  
I found one that looks really cool and futuristic and also race car cell phones

@youngkgs  
What does the futuristic one look like?

@aejcutz  
[attachment]

@youngkgs  
!! Omg yes  
It looks easy to decorate with stick sheets too

@aejcutz  
Ikr that's what I was thinking!

@syrupsltz  
Yall are so gay it hurts

@49kgs  
HAHA IT WASNT JUST ME THINKING IT

@syrupsltz  
NO IT’S LITERALLY SO OBVIOUS WDYM

@aejcutz  
it’s not gay if its for the homies, right hyun?

@youngkgs  
ofc ofc dw i have my socks on

@aejcutz  
your english slang has improved so much im so proud

@youngkgs  
sobs thank u 

@youngkgs  
n e ways i found cute hello kitty phones that i wouldve chosen if we werent planning on decorating these bad boys so instead look at these cute ones that come in sexc colors and the screen slides  
[image attached]

@aejcutz  
omg those r sexc

@youngkgs  
ikr ?

@aejcutz  
I think we found the flip phone winners

@youngkgs  
wait everyone in this gc should have one so that it’s not gay squad phones squad phones

@49kgs  
no 💔

@syrupsltz  
absolutely not 💔

@youngkgs  
ill buy them for you

@49kgs  
okay lets get the phones

@syrupsltz  
ofc bae im so excited gc phones

@aejcutz  
KSJFSD LMAO NOT AT YALL USING MY GOTH GRUNGE BF AS A SUGAR DADDY STFU

@youngkgs  
im not grunge until i get those fishnets 💔

@aejcutz  
ill mail them to you  
the sugar daddy becomes the sugar daddies

@youngkgs  
please never type that again

@syrupsltz   
SKDJF LMAO  
also if u were dead serious abt mailing im gonna give you my old roommate’s address just to ensure i don’t get doxxed no offense

@youngkgs  
none taken  
sobs im only in this house for a couple of weeks anyways then i go back to korea w the rest of the exchange students in my year

@aejcutz  
hell yeah finally we’ll be in the same timezone

Brian laughed slightly at Jay’s enthusiasm. He briefly wondered how the other acted with real life friends.

His phone buzzed with a notification. He closed out of the app and swiped down, pressing on the icon to see what it was.

JYP_ENT@GMAIL.COM  
Hello! This is an email from JYP Entertainment. A video of you singing was circulated online and we were hoping you would be willing to come in and audition. If you would like to please respond to this email! Below are the options you can audition for, the requirements, and the trainee contract for you to look over and view. Please let us know if you have any questions before agreeing or disagreeing! Please get back to us within a week.

Thank you!  
JYP ent.

Proana babes

@youngkgs  
guys you’ll never fucking believe the email i got

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if u havent figured out yet  
> @syrupsltz is chan attempting to be edgy  
> @49kgs is kunpimook just existing  
> @aejcutz is jae obviously
> 
> next chapter shit ensues haha

**Author's Note:**

> lol im so fucking tired


End file.
